Second homeless shift

So, last night I had my second shift at the homeless shelter. It was great to just feel a little more confident, knowing the kind of things I’d be doing.

When I arrived, I saw the guy I’d been chatting with last time, who had been promised a hostel for 3 months but it had fallen through. He talked to me all about gangs in his neighbourhood, and was showing me YouTube videos of all the different rapping gangs and the people he knew. It was quite interesting understanding all about his neighbourhood and the rivalries. Music is obviously a really big form of expression and he ended up playing me a pretty sad Plan B song, with many lyrics around death and telling me it’s how he’s felt every day since he was 13. It was a pretty emotional experience and also made me reflect on my role within that situation – I saw it as there to be a good listener mainly, I’m not really there to offer therapy and advice but hopefully just to make him heard and if possible, offer the odd word of encouragement – reinforcing some of his positive traits.

A few other interesting experiences or thoughts – one was around the community within the shelter. Most of these people had only spent a day or two with each other, before they get assessed and moved on but there is a huge amount of compassion. Last night one of the guys there had clear mental health needs, he was talking to himself loudly, particularly when he was trying to sleep. Although for some there was frustration, there was also just an amazing amount of care – one of the guys stood over him, offering him tea, coffee, a cigarette, checking he was ok, helping to make up a bed for him out of soft chairs so he didn’t end up on the floor. I found it a really humbling experience.

Another thing was about power – it really came to me quite how little power the guests had in this situation. The guy I was speaking to at the start didn’t want to be moved to a B&B just for one night but he was told he had no choice as there wasn’t enough room here. When you get to this situation, it seems a lot is out of your control and it must be incredibly difficult, no to mention unstable, just going along with what you’re told, not knowing what will happen from one day to the next – forming relationships with people who you may not see again after the next two days, constantly on the move. I’d struggle hugely with that – and it reminds me of similar situations of children being moved around foster homes so regularly.

I think those were the main thoughts from last night – as well as just the general friendly atmosphere within the place. I really enjoyed my shift again.

I ended the evening trying to persuade my mum to foster and deciding I want to adopt siblings.

All in an evening’s work!

Endings and beginnings

One of my friends asked me this week if I’d blogged about my resignation from adland. I hadn’t, mainly because I thought it was pretty self indulgent to do so and not of particular interest.

However I’ve decided to write a short post on it, mainly because I see my blog as a bit of a personal diary, about endings and beginnings and new experiences and for me, resigning from adland was quite a big deal.

In the words of my favourite film (Sound of Music) - "when the lord closes a door, somewhere he opens a window". THe Lord aside, i feel like my window is opening!

It didn’t quite come about as intended, I wasn’t due to resign for another 3 weeks but working with my boss had become slightly unmanageable and having been miserable in the agency for quite a long time, it felt right to cut it short and get out. I’m now really excited to be working out my notice and moving onto something that I feel passionately about.

I got some interesting responses at work, mainly asking how I’d decided to make such a drastic change and one funny email “Social work! A real job! You make me feel bad, I hate you!”. Fair enough.

So as I write, things are changing all around me. I’ve sent in my placement request form, I have my 2nd shift in the homeless placement on Monday, I have 4 weeks left in adland, am hoping to secure a couple more weeks of voluntary experience after that and am gearing up to my first day at uni, Sept 20th by trying to make important decisions such as what size files to buy and whether being back at uni calls for a pencil case!

It’s quite odd being at this point in a profession changing so fast – reading about recommendations ie from the Munro report and the Dilnot report that may or may not affect me in a few years or even about BASW and College of Social Work in their will they, won’t they collaboration. One of the most difficult things is reading so many posts on Community Care from people who are leaving or trying to leave the industry, some after only a year after feeling burnt out or frustrated by having to give news to service users that they didn’t feel were the right decisions. It feels like a scary time to be joining but I hope that there will be some more positive change over the next few years and that perhaps in the future it will be something I can contribute to.

I’m hoping to look into London SWAN as something I heard about at the student social work conference – campaigning feels like an important aspect of the advocacy role of social workers, but I won’t comment further until I go to a meeting.

First shift in a homeless project

I blogged a little while ago about how hard it is to find voluntary work around a full time job. Well, last night I had my first experience of a voluntary shift with the homeless pilot No Second Night Out. It’s plan, though not as literal as the title suggests, is one of early intervention, working with homeless people who are new to sleeping rough. The plan is for the outreach team to bring these people in, to give them an assessment and then to generally try to reconnect them with their home area, if its safe to do so – in the interim they can remain at the hub for 3 days, although there are no beds, or may be put up in a B&B/hostel if the plan takes longer.

The main thing is how glad I was to get the experience to volunteer in a setting like this. It is a million miles from anything I’ve done and I apologise in advance for the insights in the rest of the blog, that were for me so new but to anyone who may read this, quite possibly ridiculously basic and obvious!

I was slightly anxious before I did my shift as to how I’d engage with the guests, but that was immediately overcome as they were an incredibly friendly and also very funny bunch of people. Most, as new to being homeless, were not dependent on alcohol or drugs and seemed in the most part to be in relatively good spirits. From the start they were interested in getting to know me and one in particular was joking around for the most of the session, trying to find out where I lived but in a harmless way. It was interesting though, this question of boundaries. It was obvious I wasn’t going to tell him where I lived and was happy to joke with him – “ok so tell me a shop near you” – errm “sainsburys”…but it did remind me of many of the things I’d learnt in my child mentoring training about ensuring you keep your boundaries in place. I had a great chat with one about the book he’s hoping to write about living as a homeless man – I discussed with him many of the books ive recently read on the subject (Stuart, Wasted etc) which he wrote down, and then in a slightly surreal way, we got on to the ad campaign I’ve worked on which has just launched and apparently they’d all seen – we got onto discussing why we chose Van Damme to star in the coors light ad over another celeb and then one was asking me about some of the strategies in the ads that were coming on while we watched tv.

I guess I was kind of relieved that it was so easy to have such light conversation, if anything perhaps serving to relax and slightly distract them from this interim phase they were currently in. While some were clearly quieter and more anxious, they did seem to be laughing and enjoying the general chat.

Later on in the evening one of them asked if anyone was doing a sandwich run. I’d been told that certain cafes sometimes call if they had extra food but I knew none had so far. I called up a couple and was glad to find two were happy to donate. I was then asked to go with some of the guests to pick up the food from the station – a 20 minute walk away. If I’m honest, I guess this was the first time I felt slightly uncertain. It ended up being just two of us, and although I was actually getting on very well with the guest, I wasn’t entirely sure how safe I felt as it was getting dark. We had a really interesting conversation and he told me more about his life and completely inspired me with his positive attitude but there were times as he talked about prison that I was a little nervous. I find this a difficult issue – as a SW-er you’re naturally going to be working with service users who’ve faced a number of issues, time in prison being one of them and in many ways my nervousness felt immature and naïve but another part was aware it was also at night and in a setting I wasn’t familiar with. I suppose it just led me to think about when it’s ok to say no or ask for another volunteer to go with, vs just getting used to something new. In this situation there were no more volunteers to come anyway, so if I didn’t go, there would be no food for the shelter, but I also appreciate that in theory that’s not my responsibility.

Anyway an interesting dilemma for me.

Beyond that, I got so much out of it.

Recently at the student social work conference, one of the emotional development points was about thinking of three things that make you happy before you go to sleep. Last night so much was in my mind, and although cheesy, I just felt ridiculously lucky to have my own comfortable bed –thinking of these people having to sleep on chairs and on the floor in sleeping bags, sharing with others they don’t know – it must feel at times pretty humiliating or difficult to keep your dignity.

Anyway, I look forward to my next shift in a fortnight.

Sibling contact post adoption

I read quite a heartbreaking blog earlier today http://goo.gl/d3nRU about retaining sibling contact post adoption.

It struck a chord with me as one of those actions that as a SW-er you really wouldn’t want to do – telling a child they couldn’t see their sibling again for a long time because he/she has been adopted, particularly if you strongly disagree with this decision.

I don’t really understand the rationale behind this.

Everything I have read on the topic places primary importance in forming attachments and it seems the primary objective with LAC is always to try to return them to their birth family where possible.

If this isn’t possible, where there is a loving relationship with a sibling, or at least not an abusive relationship, I would have thought following similar logic that even if one child is adopted, retaining a relationship with their birth sibling would be really important. It must be even more difficult to make sense of your identity if you are cut off from all members of your birth family.

“There is evidence that the presence of siblings minimizes the trauma of parental separations or losses. A twelve-month-old child spends nearly as much time interacting with older siblings as with the mother. Siblings may become transitional objects for one another during a placement. This is particularly important with very young children….Separating siblings can make it more difficult to children to deal with separation and loss, begin a healing process, make attachments, and develop a healthy self-image….Attachments are particularly strong between the caregiver child and the younger siblings. Separation of them may lead to lifelong grief.” - Vera Fahlberg, A Child’s Journey Through Placement.

I’m trying to understand the benefits of this lack of contact.

I appreciate from the adoptive family’s viewpoint that forming a new cohesive unit is important but I’m interested to understand when it is in the child’s best interest for that sibling contact to be entirely cut off.

According to S.P. Banks and M.D. Kahn, authors of The Sibling Bond, the bond between brothers and sisters is unique. “It is the longest lasting relationship most people have. It is often longer than the parent-child relationship. Most often it outlives the husband-wife relationship. While contact may lessen throughout the years, a person’s lifetime quest for personal identity is vitally interwoven with his or her siblings.”

I read that these are two of the potential reasons but to me they don’t seem particularly child-centred:

For some adoptive parents, fear is the reason they end contact between their child and his or her siblings. “We’ve had our son now for over a year. He rarely mentions his sister anymore. I guess I don’t see any importance in opening up old wounds. I am afraid of having to deal with his past,” one adoptive dad commented.

Other parents disrupt contact because they feel the child is now a member of their family. A fact that is true, but some parents desire to erase all memory of the child’s life before the adoption and begin with a blank slate. Joan, a new adoptive mom, put it this way: ” I want this child to have the opportunity to go on with his life, without the constant reminder of his past. Keeping him away from his two sisters will do that, won’t it?”

And I read this, which I guess is where my head is at – but I’d be interested to hear about when there are other factors (not things like abusive relationships between the siblings) which I’m not even considering:

• The best interest of the children must be the priority. For children who now have contact with their siblings, family must be open to some type of continued contact. If face-to-face contact is not possible because of distance or other uncontrollable factors, pictures should be exchanged and addresses shared so that the fear of losing the sibling to death or disappearance is minimized.
• Honor the child’s wishes about how and when he want to keep in touch with brothers and sisters. Contact between siblings who have been separated for a length of time must be handled with sensitivity and appropriate timing.
• Recognize that although the child has been adopted into a new family, memories of brothers and sisters cannot be erased, ignored, or denied. Although grafted into a new family tree, a portion of the roots may still cling to another.

I imagine it’s quite difficult for the siblings, particularly the one who remains in care (assuming they do) to see their sibling with a loving adoptive family if they have been less happy in their current situation – but could this be a secondary family for them, almost like distant relatives? Or am I expecting too much from the adoptive family here?

Apologies if this is a not a particularly well thought through post, I think I’m just thinking out loud!

Back on track

I was about to write a new post (above) about sibling contact but i thought perhaps i should first mention that my post below was on an "off", nervy day.
Having spoken to a tutor on my course, some incredibly helpful SW-ers on twitter and some friends and family, i feel encouraged that i'm still making the right decision and to continue to do my best throughout the MA/placements and any other opportunities i get and sell myself accordingly!

Apologies for the slightly whining post!

Nerves about the career change

I recently applied to one LA graduate scheme for Social Work and recently found out I wasn’t shortlisted for interview. It’s frustrating and particularly as you get no feedback but obviously I can appreciate that there were probably many stronger candidates.

However, it has raised one big concern in my mind that has been there for a while. I know I have very little experience in this field. I have never worked with any service users. I have been a youth leader and a Hebrew teacher for kids age 10-12 for many years, but not particularly vulnerable children. I’ve done 10 hours of child mentoring training but haven’t yet been matched with a mentee and I’m about to start (next week) a voluntary role in a homeless charity.

Of course, as I’ve written about previously, I feel I have other transferable skills from my 5 years in advertising – whether it be time-management and organisation or writing and delivering presentations, working in a multi-agency environment or more strategic knowledge around behaviour change. And academically I’ve always done fairly well and achieved a First Class degree during my BA.

However, and this was reinforced after meeting some coursemates at my induction for the MA yesterday, I’m concerned that potential job opportunities may overlook me, even after my MA as I have so little experience when compared to others with years in social care, above and beyond their MA qualification.

Am I going to be wasting my time dropping everything for a 2 year qualification…I’ve suddenly become a bit nervous..

BASW Student Conf

Today I attended the BASW Student Conference. As someone who is not yet a student, possibly the only person there, pretty much everything I heard was interesting in one way or another. Here are the things that I found particularly interesting/inspiring:

-Making contacts wherever you go is really important, you never know where you’re going to want jobs etc and to really make the most of your placement, go and spend time with other teams within a LA, or visit other agencies within the local area
-Social Work is not only about roles in Local Authorities- look outside the box and consider private and voluntary sector as well, or roles you wouldn’t necessarily have thought of.
-Putting people at ease is an incredibly important part of your job. As a CP social worker, when you enter into a home, the parent assumes you want to take their child away. If you want to be effective, building a rapport and making them feel a little more at ease is incredibly important.
-Don’t only think of yourself as “newly qualified” – everyone has skills and experience beyond their university studying, use those to move beyond that label when applying for jobs
-Campaigning is another way to feel like you’re making a difference. I was inspired by how much this student got involved with other groups on campus to campaign in a range of issues from human rights to climate change and tax evasion but more specifically the work of SWAN (Social Work Action Network.)
-Try to stay well informed, however busy you are – keep aware of the issues that may soon become legislation and affect you.
-Be creative in your placements where possible – some placements may have never had a SW-er in the team, think about how you can make a difference and what you can learn from it.
-Making a decision comes from a combination of cognitive and emotional elements, you can’t separate the two. It’s particularly important to develop emotional intelligence – part of that comes from being aware of and recognising your own emotions, but also from learning how to manage those emotions.
-When they are not managed well we get “amygdala hi-jack”
o “Amygdala hijack is a term coined by Daniel Goleman in his 1996 book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.[1] Goleman uses the term to describe emotional responses from people which are out of measure with the actual threat because it has triggered a much more significant emotional threat. An amygdala hijack exhibits three signs: strong emotional reaction, sudden onset, and post-episode realization that the reaction was inappropriate”
-The other aspect is social intelligence – understanding other’s emotions – look at others and anticipate how they feel, about building rapport.
-Stress is the gap between what you can do and the demands made on you – this is your own perception, a reaction that you can learn to manage.
-Part of this is about self-care – reflective practice, taking time for yourself – one example was spending a few minutes before you go to sleep thinking of 3 things that make you happy and 1 positive experience. Self affirmation, meditation – all ways to take time for yourself.
-But also you need to know your limits and push beyond them – face fear.
-We heard lots about the role of BASW for advice and representation – also the support they can give you during placements or challenging the weak placements you may receive. And the importance of always gathering evidence and making records in your job.
-We had a great talk/drama re-enactment of how to manage service users who are aggressive. We heard about the importance of rehearsal – spend time thinking about what you want to say in a given situation, what would your exit strategy be? If you are under threat, get out.
-Also, ways to ask challenging questions while building a rapport – if your service user is shouting at you, look for ways back in – if they are annoyed that they’ve taken time off work to meet you, perhaps say you weren’t aware they had to do that and in future you’d like to make a more convenient time to meet them etc. If they’re crying, don’t ignore it – show your humane side, but don’t be distracted from challenging questions. (I imagine this is easier said than done.)
-This also lead on to the important of a supportive peer setting and supervision – if we’re not getting any support, if you’re left to deal with issues of aggression on your own, leave. I found this particularly interesting, given the role of a social worker – for us to neglect our peers is quite sad.
-There was also a presentation on the transition phase from student to practitioner and the reality shock that comes from being accountable for your own caseload. Lots of people had struggled with service users who didn’t like them because they were constantly bearers of bad news, and very few in this research study wanted to remain in LA settings.
-Finally after hearing that everyone knows a famous nurse but few know famous social workers (famous rather than infamous) we heard an inspiring talk about Irena Sendler, a Polish SW-er born in 1910 who helped Jewish mothers in the ghettos to give up their children for adoption by Polish families. She hid and buried all their real identities and after the war dug them up and reunited siblings wherever possible. When she died, she was being looked after in a care home by one of the children she’d rescued. I really like the idea of looking back at amazing SW stories – if ever there was a profession in need of some pride and good role models it may be this one.

(I was perhaps less pleased to hear that SW is the 5th most dangerous job after the army and emergency services, "and we don't have a tank or pepper spray to defend ourselves, just our diary". My mum will be pleased!

All in all – a great day!

Few book recommendations that came out of it:

The Spirit Level – which happened to be in my bag today!
Reaching out by David Johnson about emotional resilience
For training on managing aggressive service users go to asenseofself.org
For the film or Irena – “A courageous heart”.